The Summer Reading List

New York, NY

I haven't finished reading a book since last September. As soon as I closed The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest, and put an end to the "Millenium" trilogy, I couldn't wait to dive back into new stories of intrigue, romance, and adventure.

But that didn't happen.

Instead, I have novels piling up on my shelves collecting dusts, their stories remaining unfulfilled until I find the time to crack them open. And when you write for a living, the last thing you want to do is read more words when you get home. But I plan on opening a few books this summer, and instead of recommend books YOU should read, I'll give you a list of those I plan on diving into ... as long as I don't get sidetracked by videogames and television.

Under the Poppy
Bootleggers, Lobstermen, and Lumberjacks
Mornings on Horseback
Drood
Life

Memorial Day Weekend

New York, NY


If all goes according to plan, by this time tonight I will have submitted a lengthy (and quite spectacular I might add) RFP for a potential client, packed, driven to Connecticut, hopped on a boat, had a stiff drink, and relaxed under the stars accompanied by the gentle tumble of Long Island Sound. But things never go to plan.


The kick-off to summer is something to celebrate. Always. One of my favorites was the holiday the Ferguson cousins spent out on Centre Island a few years ago. It was memorable. It was dangerous. It was over-the-top. If this coming weekend can just be relaxing - I'll consider it a win.

Swamped

New York, NY


I'm swamped at work, and I'm afraid I won't be able to properly fulfill my promise of putting new content on this blog each weekday this month. (Looks into his folders to see what he can pull out) Ah! Without fail, spring is the time I remind you to sign up and participate in Kayak for a Cause. Now in its 11th year (holy crap... that's insane), there have been some significant changes that'll improve the experience for everyone involved. Think of it as a rebirth, or a redux, or a reinvention. Here's a promo I put together for it.

New Instagrams

New York, NY


I've got more Instagrams to share with you!

To see more, check out my "instagrid" here.

The Faux Article

New York, NY


I was tasked with writing a few paragraphs of a fake magazine article for a client pitch, one that involved wine tasting in Australia (though I've never been) with a woman named Sarah Leighton (who doesn't exist). We decided to not use the article, and so I share it here with you...

In Search of Shiraz

 Discovering the undiscovered wineries and vineyards of Australia’s Hunter Valley.

Sarah Leighton stares longingly at the glass as I take a small sip of the robust red wine contained therein. The moment I swallow, she’s bursting to ask what I think of it. She is a sanguine artist hoping for a positive review of her latest shiraz-based creation that also happens to be the latest blend from her intimate and utterly tranquil winery. The Leighton Winery, sitting on a dozen acres of grape vines in Australia’s Hunter Valley, is one of a new crop of “boutique” vintners who are changing the game in Australia’s largest wine-producing region. With a map, some advice from locals, and a non-drinking driver, I was determined to find the best and smallest wine producers in the region.

The Leighton Winery is exactly what you’d expect from a small vineyard. It sits at the end of an unmarked and dusty road lined with grape orchards, it’s quiet, and when I pulled up I was greeted by Sarah’s yellow lab, Bruin. Sarah is eager to give tours, but even more eager to get a reaction to her wine from her visitors. After a brief tour of her vines, I was lead to a small picnic table and an empty wine glass.

The enthusiasm with which Sarah speaks about her wine makes you want to enjoy it even if it tastes like vinegar. (It doesn’t) And that she so clearly enjoys what she does makes you appreciate the hands-on approach smaller wineries can give their product. The Leighton Winery ships roughly 10,000 cases per year – a small number when compared with the bigger and more recognizable names down the road. But Sarah insists her small size it what makes her wine that much better. And after trying six glasses, and going back for one more, as well as throwing an increasingly-slobber coated tennis ball for Bruin, I’m beginning to agree with her.

The Rapture Cometh (and Goeth)

New York, NY


As was (now falsely) predicted, the Rapture was supposed to come on Saturday. It didn't. Johnny and I decided to voice our opinions on the matter... and give a short follow up.





And here's footage of us going through the final few supposed minutes of Earth.

I Feel Fine

New York, NY

"This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a wimper."

-T.S. Eliott, The Hollow Men

If all goes according to plan, this may be the last entry I'll ever post to this blog. You see, the world is going to end tomorrow - at least if you believe the folks at Family Radio, a Christian-based organization using a formula derived from passages in the Bible. The problem with the world ending tomorrow is that I most-likely won't be included in "the rapture" - when those who are "saved" float up toward Heaven and the rest of the world burns in eternal hellfire. Unfortunately for me, I support gay rights, I've had sex before marriage, I only attended church for the free wafers, and I believe in the theory of evolution. 

And I say bring it on.

Heaven may be a place where all is well and good, but it'll be full of the most boring and misguided people (formerly) on the planet. I'd much rather spend eternity hanging with people who are able to form opinions outside of the sludge they're being shoveled to keep them in line. I want to hang out with people who have the good sense NOT to sell all their possessions and flush their retirement savings by branding their cars with messages of the upcoming apocalypse.

And if for some reason the world doesn't end tomorrow night, I will actively seek out these zealots, listen to their "excuses" and point and laugh while I hand out pamphlets in support of gay marriage.

Levels of Success

New York, NY

When I was little, having a pool in your backyard meant that you were successful. Those gallons of crystal blue water meant you’d done what 99.99% of the population couldn’t do: become rich beyond your wildest dreams. This gradually changed into owning an exotic car like a Lamborghini Countach or a Ferrari Testarosa. And finally, in high school, being successful meant you’d actually touched a girl’s breast.

As I’ve moved through life, however, my ideas of what it means to be successful have changed radically. No longer was it what you had, but how you obtained it. And after years of reflection on the subject, I can now tell you the singular example of being purely successful: having a private bathroom in your office.

If you can shit without Greg from marketing services over-hearing how last night’s trip to Burrito Barn went, you’ve made it my friend. Congratulations.

In the Shadows of Weddings

New York, NY



This is the last 3 Chords for a while ... at least until we shoot a few more. We shot the last three back to back, and in this one we discuss how/why/when I have to attend so many weddings (again) this summer. After a proper shake down, Johnny and I get back to our stride with this episode. Also, we introduce Raj into the mix.

Links

New York, NY


On this rainy day, I haven't got much for the blog. (Now realizing why I stopped writing so frequently all those years ago) To make up for my lack of creativity, here are some cool links to check out.

• Ovi Maps - It's like Google Earth... but better.
• Kayak for a Cause - Now in its 11th year. Have you registered yet?
• TrustCloud - Yep, it's still around.
• Desonesto - Yep, it's still around too.
• My YouTube Channel - Hasn't been recently updated, but still worth a look.

I promise to have more "content" tomorrow.

The Uhrynowboes

New York, NY

It's been said I have a passing resemblance to the actor Adam Scott.  And while I strain to see it (my mouth is bigger), I will admit we look more like each other than Eric and I do. Those who have been within earshot of Lindsey when she's "singing" will inform you of her "pitchy-ness." (This is a nice way of saying her singing sounds like she's jerking off a yak.) I came across this clip from the movie Step Brothers in which Adam Scott scolds his wife for singing off key, a conversation I've had almost verbatim - save for the singing lessons - with Lindsey not two weeks ago.


If we were to ever get married, this is pretty much what our life would be in about ten years, Lindsey with her far away "what have I done with my life" look along with the vaguely homosexual son. This is why I'm not getting married ... and getting Lindsey singing lessons.

Another New 3 Chords & the Truth

New York, NY

We shot a few episodes of 3 Chords & the Truth back-to-back, which means we can crank them out quicker. This time, we talk about releasing the Bin Laden photos, farmers, What's Happening Now, and Andy Warhol.

Mocktails

New York, NY

This is how you rock a non-alcoholic strawberry daiquiri.

On the Offensive

New York, NY

If we shadows have offended, 

Think but this, and all is mended, 

That you have but slumber'd here 

While these visions did appear. 

-A Midsummer Night's Dream

Something I worked on was called "misogynistic" and "homophobic" which I find incredibly funny.  Not that any of those things are humorous, but this campaign and, by extension, me being lumped in with those words is amazing and laughable in how off-target they are. (Pay no attention to the scantily clad woman wearing patriotic undies further down this blog). While I won't go into details, I will say that it involved a campaign I worked on and some feminist groups have taken strong issue with it. What they've failed to see is that, at it's core, the campaign is mocking pathetic men. (Something advertisers do too often - I may add) And instead of realizing it for what it is, they've assigned their agenda of being offended without actually looking at what the campaign is saying.


And this is truly the problem.


Everyone has things they believe in, but as I've stated time and again on this blog: the world needs to chill out. Seriously. 


Jokes are just jokes, and more often than not they expose ignorance through humor. At the same time, they help open up dialogs and increase awareness through easy-to-understand means. Now, this philosophy doesn't work with jokes filled with hate, but it does work with 99% of the jokes out there. But that people would take a humorist to task over something they've said or written really just shows how closed-minded they are. 


And so I won't apologize for what I've written. I found it funny. My girlfriend found it funny. Most people I know found it funny... many of whom were females, gay, or both. Laugh a little bit. Laugh at yourself, it'll help you realize how amazing life is.

"Real" Articles

South Norwalk, CT


My company has asked me to write articles for their online magazine Post Advertising.  None of the articles contain fart jokes or random comments about my genitalia, but if you're into advertising and marketing, they may be worth a read.  (You can also grab our iPhone/iPad app here.)

• All Together Now
• The Digital to Tangible Revolution
• Marketing 'Game of Thrones'
• Advertising an Advertising Movie

There are more coming shortly.  Enjoy!

The Return of 3 Chords & the Truth

New York, NY





After a year and a half, Johnny and I return with our 3 Chords & the Truth webcast.

Lesser Known Soundtracks

New York, NY


Everyone knows the musical cues from StarWars, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Batman, but there are a ton of excellent soundtracks to movies that aren't as well known.  Here is a small list of great soundtracks from films, television shows, and video games you may have missed over the years.

• Toy Soldiers - Perhaps it stems from my old trumpet playing days, but the theme that begins at 2:35 on the linked file is one of the best musical cues out there.
• The Critic - Hans Zimmer crafted this with a clear nod to Gershwin.
• Uncharted - "Nate's Theme" has all the drama, action, and romance a good adventure needs. 
• Band of Brothers - My love of this miniseries and my fascination with WWII has long been documented.  The late Michael Kamen's score encapsulates this period of time and the war so well, it becomes an eloquent testament to those who served in the war.
• Crysis 2 - The beauty of this game's visuals is matched only by the spooky and driving score from Hans Zimmer.
• The Fall - Yes, the song is actually the second movement from Beethoven's Symphony No. 7, but it's my favorite classical piece and frames the opening scenes of the movie perfectly.

Wedding Season

New York, NY

Wedding season technically began the second weekend in January, but it officially kicks off this weekend.  This year's nuptials will take us from New York City to Michigan to Southern California with the gift rule being: the farther I have to travel, the smaller the wedding present.  (Sorry California folks, you're getting a $10 gift certificate to the Sizzler.)


I feel like I've played my cards wrong.  I assumed if I waited long enough to get married, my friends would have larger incomes thus guaranteeing me better wedding gifts.  But as these friends are now popping out children faster than coins out of a slot machine, I fear their funds may be inappropriately diverted to aid in child rearing.


In other words: bring on the open bars because I'm getting my money's worth.

Party to the People

New York, NY

It's been more than two days since the US military found and killed Bin Laden. Upon hearing the news, I was enthusiastic and felt like we were closing a chapter of American history. This turned to a feeling of sadness as I never thought I was someone to revel in the death of anything, let alone another human being. But ultimately, I feel like there is much to celebrate, and yet there's a sense in this country that we aren't allowed to. That it's disrespectful. That showing your happiness is considered to be in poor taste.


But after 10 years of hunting down this madman, 10 years of wondering when the next bomb is going to drop, 10 years of remembering who we lost on 9/11, can't we have a few moments to cheer? I understand his death doesn't mean the end of Al Qaeda, but regardless, his death has the promise of many new beginnings and many questions answered. 


I'm not talking about celebrating in the frat-boy douche bag any excuse to get drunk style. I'm talking about feeling happy.  Being happy.  Showing others that you're happy.


I celebrated quietly: getting gooned on cough medicine and red wine while watching American Chopper. I'm pretty sure Osama wouldn't have wanted it that way - and that makes me happy.

Pilot Season

New York, NY


It was how she said it that got me, "Adam, we love it. I can't wait to talk to you about this in a few days. Until then, celebrate.  You deserve it." She followed up with joyous laughter and a hug. And I thought... yeah, I nailed it. This television show is as good as on the air.


But then I learned that network executives (including the one above who practically gave me a reach around after the shooting of our pilot had ended) like to blow gallons of smoke up people's asses. The pilot I'd written for a major cable network (that won't be named here, but let's just say they mostly produce comedy shows) was a tremendous amount of fun to work on. It was the type of job where I never looked at my watch and grew disappointed when I realized I needed to go home for the day. 


Sure there were bumps in the road. I realized early on that explaining "why" something is funny, no matter how great the joke, is a futile exercise. There's also the whole "working for almost nothing" thing that makes your landlord write angry letters and for you to consider fingernails part of this complete breakfast. But I was pursuing my dream and the executives at the network gave me a wink and nod and told me everything was going to be alright.


Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months before we got the official "the network passed" verdict. But I learned one very valuable lesson: do what you love. Don't let anyone stand in your way. Even if it ends up falling on its face, you'll be happier for having done something you can be proud of. Something that flexed your creative muscles. Something that took you out of your comfort zone. And ultimately, never accept a hug from a network exec until the ink has dried on your contract.

The Proud American

New York, NY

Today is not a celebration of a wicked man's death.  Today is a celebration of the American spirit and determination.  A celebration that we're still standing.

A Month of Blogging

Boston, MA

As I find myself, once again, employed as a writer the desire to write outside of work has been stifled a bit. As an exercise, I've made the commitment to run this bitch old school for the month of May and put up a new post each weekday.  It's been almost three and a half years since I did that, and in that time I've become far less funny and insightful. Nonetheless, I figure it's a good excuse to flex my creative muscle a bit. And to get you started, here are some links to refresh and/or get you up to speed.

• Articles I've written for Post Advertising (Click here, here, and here)
• Articles I continue to work on at The Desonesto Doctrine.
• Check out old (and soon to be new again) 3 Chords & the Truth episodes.
• My (updated frequently) Twitter Feed.
• The first "official" post on this very blog.
• My last post from YesButNoButYes.
• My Instagram photos.
• Find out where I am/have been with my FourSquare history.
• Check out my (rarely) updated YouTube videos.

That should do it for a while.  Not sure I'll be able to keep it up, and most days it'll end up being posts about the weather ... or my bowel movements.