New York, NY
Ripley Uhrynowski, 3, in New York, NY died March 10, 2010 at home after being swallowed in a Darwinian struggle by his/her adopted sister ... a cat. Born in (we're assuming) a warehouse in Queens sometime in 2006, Ripley and his/her various family members were adopted by Adam Uhrynowski and Alyson Teich after a performance of "Broadway Idol" in which Ripley was featured as a table centerpiece. Tragedy struck early on as his/her family quickly succumbed to the harsh environment of living in a former flour container on the Upper West Side. As the only survivor of this ectothermic holocaust, Ripley managed to lead a hopeful and fulfilling life, no doubt as a result of the loss of his/her family.
Ripley was schooled in Connecticut, finally moving back to Manhattan (Union Square and the Upper West Side) where he/she found excitement with the addition of a fake glow-in-the-dark plant into his/her flour jar. Ripley is survived by his/her adopted father Adam, his/her adopted sister Tulagi (who expressed absolutely no remorse for the cold blooded killing) as well as various brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews strewn about in pet stores and on children's desks in the Tri-State Area.
A service is scheduled for this Saturday, March 13 on the Hudson River in which an empty box (the cat ate the entire fish) will be lit on fire and set adrift into the water in accordance with standard Viking Funerals. In lieu of donations or flowers, the family asks that you refrain from eating sushi for a few days and watch The Cove.
